Finding God for Myself: My Real, Raw Faith Journey
My faith journey hasn’t been a straight line.
It’s been a rollercoaster of questions, pain, miracles, and grace.
Before my injuries, I knew who Jesus was.
I had accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. I knew the Bible stories, but I didn’t fully understand them. Not in my heart. Not in my life.
As I reached adulthood, I became skeptical.
Was the Bible true?
Did these things really happen?
Was it just written by men trying to control people?
I didn’t dig into the answers—I wasn’t in that place yet. I still prayed most nights. I believed in God. But church? That became a complicated space for me.
There were moments where I felt more judged than loved. Experiences that left me questioning whether there was a place for me in the body of Christ. And while I now know that was more about human imperfection than God's heart, at the time, it led me to pull away.
So I tried to live a good life. I did what I thought God would want me to do.
But I wasn’t seeking Him.
I wasn’t growing.
I was just surviving.
When I Couldn’t Conceive, I Felt Broken
When we struggled to conceive, it broke me in a different way.
I felt less than. I questioned my womanhood. I cried out to God, begging for a child.
At the time, it felt like my prayers were falling on deaf ears.
But now I see—God was answering. Just not on my timeline.
Then boom—Kyrie was born!
But did I fall to my knees and seek God?
No. Like so many of us, I thanked the doctor instead of the Great Physician.
After the Coma, Everything Changed
When I woke up from my coma, everything was different.
The first words out of my mouth when I heard the devastating news about my amputations were:
“Well, thank God I’m alive.”
I meant it. I was genuinely thankful.
Thankful to still be a wife.
Still be a mom.
Still here.
That night, I asked my dad to read the Bible to me.
I was scared to sleep.
His voice and those holy words comforted me.
That was the real beginning of my spiritual journey.
December 2023: The Turning Point
But it wasn’t until December 2023 that my faith caught fire.
I was at my lowest.
Depressed. Overweight. Spiritually stagnant.
Laying in bed day after day. Not showering. Missing life. Missing me.
Then I found a book called "The 40-Day Sugar Fast" by Wendy Speake.
That book didn’t just change my physical health—it sparked something deeper.
It led me into Scripture.
Into prayer.
Into real, intimate relationship with Jesus.
I started devouring faith-filled books.
Books that proved the Bible’s reliability.
Books that taught me who God really is.
For the first time, I understood:
The Bible is not just a book.
It is the living Word of God.
It is our map in a broken world.
My Fire Is Burning Bright
Now, I’m learning to build my life on the solid foundation of Christ.
I’m learning how to be a gospel-rooted mom—raising children who know God personally, not just through me or a church, but for themselves.
My prayer is that they’ll walk with God young, not later after pain and struggle.
That they’ll know His voice.
And that they’ll never feel like they have to “find” Him—because He’s been with them all along.
God’s Love Is Not Conditional
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this:
God’s love is not dependent on our performance.
His grace is not earned—it’s freely given.
He loved me when I doubted.
He loved me when I walked away.
He loved me even when I didn’t love myself.
His love doesn’t change when we change.
He doesn’t withhold His goodness until we "get it right."
That kind of love is the most healing thing I’ve ever experienced.
Don’t Rely on Church to Give You God
Church is beautiful.
But church didn’t save me.
Jesus did.
If I could give anyone reading this one piece of advice, it would be this:
Seek Him for yourself.
Don’t wait until life knocks you down.
Don’t let someone else’s failure keep you from God’s grace.
Don’t assume you’ll figure it out later.
He’s waiting.
He’s ready.
And He loves you deeply—even in your questions, even in your silence, even now.
Romans 8:38–39 (NIV)
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
